"Your mom looked better before she got naked - Nothing Personal"
My sexy Readers it’s Rant no. Uno,
Sitting in the hospital lobby yesterday I realized something about me that made me stare at the ceiling for a long time contemplating about moi while tugging at my hair. Here’s my cynical analysis regarding it.
I am an overachiever. I aim for things that are unattainable or hard to get and I couldn’t help but think about every aspect of my life and how that affected me. Maybe it’s the fact that if I fail I would not feel so bad compared to if I fail settling with what is reachable. A good example would have to be me doing Specialist Maths as a course; I’m an awful student in class but when I do get a high mark in a test my heart quickens its pace. It’s that sensation of accomplishing something that deep in myself I knew was unattainable and it makes my life worth living for.
There was a girl I liked a long time ago who I knew was out of my reach and even though in the end I didn’t get her my sense of failure didn’t feel as great based solely on the fact I had a mindset that it wasn’t a very great chance to start with. Ironically I found out that she did like me at one stage and would have went out with me but I waited too long to ask her out. I don’t know why I had an urge to tell that and brag about it in this blog. Fucked if I know.
And all this time I thought myself to be humble.
Then again I also prided myself to be an honest guy but now I seem to be lying more; especially to myself. I’m a liar. I am human.
Funny thing is lately this thing I desire whenever I encounter an obstacle it actually brings me down alot and makes me falter. What does that mean? Am I becoming a whore? Should I undress now? Possibly I’m not a kid anymore and nothing is impossible; there’s always hope and with hope there are possibilities which makes me think about all the things I regret not doing. But possibilities are never clear, it’s like using your reflection in a lake as a mirror to do your hair and brush your teeth. So if I saw a kid version of myself I wouldn’t know whether to hit him in the head or shake his hand.
Tired + rambling on is not a good mix and this probably won’t make sense to alot of you.
Anyways before this becomes an overdramatic midlife crisis thing I’m going to go feed my dog.